Ask Dr. Nina

Responding to Negative Student Interactions

Submitted by nina on Fri, 07/18/2008 - 18:58.


Dear Nina,

What do you do when you have students who are deliberately derailing the lesson on a consistent basis?  How do you ignore their negative behavior when it is really disruptive (like yelling out negative comments about other students every few minutes). 

I have talked to these students individually and made phone calls home, but I'm having difficulty.  I want to ignore their negative behavior, but how can I when it's hurting the feelings of other students? 

I'm going to take another look at your chapter that you recommended before, but do you have any ideas about this?  It may have just been a difficult week, but I want to learn to tackle these issues at their roots instead of just tolerating them and dealing with them.

 
Hi Sarah,

Thanks for your question! It’s an important one and I know we’ve spoken about some of the same issues previously. Thank you for not giving up and for continuing to reflect on your classroom practice. Why don’t we start there—you’re practice. Because in fact, that’s basically what you have control of, right? 

As you know, my suggestions focus on teacher thinking and behavior. We can complain endlessly about student behavior, lack of administrative support, lack of parental concern, poor living conditions, etc., and while we might want to address these areas in different ways at different times we often do not have control over them. We can complain about student’s behavior and, of course, be concerned about it—as we should—but actually we can’t change it, can we? We can, though, reflect on our behaviors, speech, and classroom set up and decide what we might need to adjust to help our students decide to interact more appropriately. 

Before we get into more specific suggestions I want to point out that once you decide to make adjustments and implement something new stick to it. Deep, important changes might not come to fruition for a long time. I find that some teachers anxiously want change and when they don’t see it immediately they begin implementing something else or just give up. Remember much of what we want to see changed took many years to develop and will take time to adjust or extinguish.

I was recently asked to follow a high school student around to various classes to help with suggestions for teachers who said he was continuously disruptive. It actually took awhile for me to find him in class because he often loitered in the hall because he didn’t care to enter the classroom or because he had been sent out of the classroom due to inappropriate behavior. I’ve done this kind of work often so I will share with you some of my general observations and you can decide what most applies to your particular situation.

While some variation in behavior occurs depending on the teacher some common teacher behaviors/practices are usually evident across classrooms. For example, because teachers expect negative, disruptive behavior from these students they notice every little movement made. I saw this recently in one high school English classroom. When, let’s call him John, called out or turned to his friend to talk an immediate reprimand followed. When another student exhibited the same disruptive behavior it was ignored. In every class teachers were either hyper-vigilant in regards to John or totally ignored him for the entire period and allowed him to come and go as he pleased. These extremes came from good intentions but need to be examined more deeply. 

Let’s think about the messages we send John and his classmates through these behaviors. Of course, everyone knows, John included, that John is a “marked” man, i.e., a “trigger child”. This already colors the messages that teachers send. Therefore, everyone expects John to be either negatively signaled out or allowed to get away with murder. Whether one or the other happens usually depends on the mood and energy of the teacher. This unpredictability wreaks havoc in any classroom and actually does the same internally to the students and teachers involved. We all need to feel emotionally safe and secure before any learning happens.  

So you’ve tried to extinguish behavior through ignoring. While ignoring inappropriate behavior definitely has its place it must occur within a context of positive recognition. Therefore, while I often suggest ignoring a behavior until extinguished this technique will be totally ineffective and actually harmful if the student does not also receive recognition for positive work and interactions. Yes, perhaps when you are discouraged you might even think, “But he/she never does anything positive!” But I can’t believe this. Many teachers allow a student to drain them so that they cannot see the small, positive interactions that happen right before their eyes. He/she sits and waits patiently for 5 minutes before class begins. He turns to the right page. He raises his hand without calling out. He enters the room and says, “Hello, Miss.” Positive return responses go a long way and can include: “Thank you, John, I see you raised your hand and haven’t called out.” Or “I’m sorry we didn’t start right away but I noticed John you were waiting patiently for us to begin.”   This kind of recognition and appreciation needs to be part of every classroom culture.   But sadly, in almost every classroom I visit it is not. (For more details see Shanika’s story in Zaragoza N., (2002))

Let me point out, though, ignoring doesn’t mean that we allow a student to sit and not complete the required work because, “at least he/she is quiet.” These low expectations send the clear message, whether intentional or not, that you do not care about this student’s progress. The message sent, whether intentional or not, clearly states that this student means less to you than the others. The message states that you do not have faith in this student and that you do not care. Yes, I know these words sound harsh but think about the harshness of the messages you inadvertently send. Teaching is a high calling and a serious responsibility. Do we need to be perfect, of course not. Must we reflect continually on our words and actions, most definitely.

Clear, appropriate consequences need to be in place for all students to address incomplete or missing work. But it actually isn’t difficult to understand why so many of our students do not complete the work given. For a minute, let’s put ourselves in their places. Look at the actual tasks you require. Would you like to complete them? Do they really hold any value in the big picture? Answer the questions at after the passage, write a summary, color in the right bubble. Why? If you answer, “because that’s what we’re told to do.” Then I beseech you to rethink what you are doing and why. Did you become a teacher to push papers or to have a positive impact on the next generation? If you answer the latter than you know teaching and learning is much more than filling in the blank and test prep. You know that it is about purpose, joy, and service to others. Students involved in work that has a purpose and impact on an audience (i.e., drama, poetry, community project) will complete it. ( for more details see “Project Orientation” on www.ninazaragoza.com)

Finally, let me encourage you as you reflect upon your responses to your students to take care of your own emotional health. We all have issues that in certain contexts negatively color our thoughts and interactions. For example, if we have a psychological need to be in a position of authority this might hinder us from enabling our students to have authority and ownership over their own work and choices. If we have a tendency to note what we lack instead of acknowledging our own strengths than we will more times than not first see the deficits in others before seeking to understand their strengths.   I ask that you open your heart to yourself and your students. For in the end, real teaching and learning happens within caring, connected relationships. 

 

 

How can I get on the good side of my child's teacher?

Submitted by nina on Fri, 05/16/2008 - 15:21.

Getting On The Teacher’s Good Side-Right From The Start

 
So it’s another first day of school and you’re praying that your little Johnny’s teacher this year will not twist your stomach in knots like Mrs. Marone did last year. You’re determined not to allow her to completely control your emotions at pick-up time. I know the feeling! It got so bad with my youngest son that I use to send in my eldest to pick him up so as not to face the teacher’s usual comments: he kept calling out; he kept getting out of his seat; he pulled Katie’s hair. 
Let me give you some quick and dirty tips to get in good with your child’s teacher right from the start! First of all, let go of all your previous negative school experiences. Remember, the beginning of the year is a perfect time to make a fresh start and see things from a different perspective. Be proactive! Instead of waiting for the teacher to write you a letter, make a phone call, or a comment you can write an introductory letter to let him/her know a little bit about you and your child. Keep it friendly and appreciative making sure you point out some of your child’s unique strengths. For example, the letter might start like this:
Dear Mrs. Carroll,
I am looking forward to working with you this year and I am confident that my son will have a successful year with you. My son Michael is excited about being in your class as well because you had his cousin Nathan last year and he knows how much you love Science! I’d like to tell you a little about Michael and our family…
            Be natural, share where you work, what Michael likes to do, what you and your family do together and so on. Keep it short but make sure you close by offering to support him/her in anyway you can like, “Please let me know how I might be able to help you and the class throughout the year. Even though I work full time, with enough notice I can often rearrange my schedule- so feel free to ask!”
            Let me tell you as a classroom teacher I really loved to get positive notes from families. We all like to feel connected and appreciated, right? Don’t you feel great when you get a thank you note or positive letter? I definitely do. 
            This type of communication will be a first step to setting a foundation of respect that will help if things get a little stressful because of homework, behavior issues, etc. In fact, it would be a good thing to ask the teacher right up front which form of communication she or he prefers. I’m sure you know how it feels when someone swarms you at 5 or 6 after a long day of work—so tired you could spit. A teacher usually feels the same way at around 3:30 so to bombard her with concerns at this time might be counter-productive. I prefer email because I can take the time to think about it and write when I am not tired or emotionally charged about a negative classroom situation. As a parent and teacher I use a composition notebook-one of those sturdy black and white ones that will last all year-that I call a “Communication Notebook”. Each child in my class carries this communication notebook in their backpack so the parent and teacher can communicate through this at any time. It is extremely important to ensure that notes in this book carry positive messages along with concerns. If every note focuses in on negative criticisms or comments that same stomach knot we are trying to prevent will raise its ugly, hard head.   So if your child’s teacher does not use this type of system you can request its use with your child. Your complimentary, appreciative comments, for example, “Oh, Michael told me how much he enjoyed the Science experiment you did with the class! He came home so excited! Have a great evening,” will set the pattern. If by some chance the teacher only writes negative reports in the book you can politely and honestly respond with something like, “I do understand your concerns, Mrs. Marone, and I am following through with your suggestion about turning off the TV. Would you please also let me know about some of Michael’s positive behaviors-this will help me stay encouraged. Thanks. Have a good evening.”
Do you see that your response will actually respectfully push Mrs. Marone to also look at Michael through a positive lens. Remember one, two or three sentences for each entry goes a long way. Words carry power and sometimes fewer words carry the most.
            As I already mentioned at the beginning of this podcast, I know exactly how it feels when a teacher confronts a parent at the end of an exhausting day. It’s difficult to bite one’s tongue at these times but let’s try and look toward the rest of the year. Is it worth it to speak angry words that might make it difficult to maintain a productive teacher-parent relationship? So what can we do to avoid such situations? Well, besides sending someone else to pick up my son I’ve also tried some other ways. I learned not to be afraid to set boundaries by saying something like: “I’d prefer we speak about this tomorrow. I will be happy to set up a short meeting or telephone conversation.” Or “I understand your concern and agree we need to discuss this more fully when my son is not present.” Or “Would you do me a favor and write out exactly your concerns and suggestions to improve the situation?” Careful with your tone of voice and body language! No matter how polite the words if your tone and presence connotes negativity the words will not be heard.
            Remember, Parents, you can ask for suggestions. In fact, as professionals teachers need to develop a plan of action that enables your child’s classroom success. They, too, have the expertise to help you with trying and following through with some home strategies. When you take their suggestions and let them know how it’s going (the communication notebook is great for this, too) it shows you respect their expertise and, again, continues to build a positive, professional relationship.
        I hope this helps you get in good with your child’s teacher right from the start! Don’t worry and
have fun connecting!!